Under the Surface
by YuliPancake
Summary: If the crash of 815 never happened, if Kate never killed Wayne, where would she be?Kate is married to Jack, all seems just perfect. But Kate isn't suited for this life. Who could disrupt her pretence but Sawyer himself?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1, A Perfect Life**

Kate Shepherd had happily married over half a year ago. She had a lovely wedding day and a perfect honeymoon. In fact everything was now absolutely perfect... Her house was all she could have dreamed of, she had a beautiful Labrador named Tuti and a white picket fence.  
She had married Jack knowing he was perfect, overlooking a few of his fixing issues.  
He was loyal, faithful, handsome and honest. Jack loved Kate and she loved him.

Kate's days consisted of getting up at 11am, eating breakfast and taking Tuti for a walk, which meant sitting in the park and gossiping with fellow dog walkers. Afterwards, she would go out shopping or meeting a friend. Kate got home at 6 pm and lounge around reading or watching a soap opera. It was all… very…exiting?

Jack would call to tell her when he would be back, he was so thoughtful that way…His arrival home would usually vary from 8pm to 5am in the mornings. Actually, casting her thoughts back, Kate could definitely remember him staying in hospital over night a few times…

A perfect day, in the life of a happy wife.

But, still Kate couldn't help but feel lonely every now and again… She only properly saw Jack on Sundays when they would spend the day together finishing that off with dinner at their favorite restaurant.  
Kate somehow felt herself slipping into a daily routine of a classic wife. The excitement of a new relationship was wearing off and leaving a very organized, stable marriage.  
And it wasn't that Kate was unhappy, no. She was in a loving marriage leading the perfect life.  
But was organized, stable and perfect really Kate? She wasn't sure.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2, Freckles**

Tuesday morning, Kate had decided to go to the cinema with her friend Vicky- something to look forward to! They were planning to go see the usual chick flick with perfect romance and a happy ending, but due to some lateness (on Kate's behalf) they ended up going to see a 'scary' film about zombies... "Oh god. How exiting." Vicky said, conveying the emotion of a plank of wood. Kate nodded dully as they walked into the cinema, popcorn in hand (the only thing that will sit her through this film).

The seats were all empty (surprising?) except for a man, sitting alone in the middle row. Vicky ran into the seats behind him, as usual hoping to make a new friend… Kate merely grunted at her childishness. And neither woman found anything interesting to say to him as the film went on. Why would anyone go on their own to see something like this?

As the film drowned on, as more zombies grunted and more human brains were eaten, the man in front picked up his mobile and started loudly arguing with someone. "You were the one who invited me to see this damn film princess, it's a load of crap by the way, but now-"  
"Can't you take the call outside?" Kate interrupted, leaning forward. The man turned around fixing Kate to the spot with a blue-eyed stare.  
"She's hung up on me anyways looby-lu," The man addressed Kate in a low, southern accent. "So just chill." He had long, dirty blonde hair, stubble, about middle thirties with an aura of cheek, recklessness and even mystery around him that made Kate slightly uncomfortable.  
As a moment of taking in this guy's appearance she realized she was still leaning forward, staring. Feeling a blush furiously cover her face Kate buried herself all the way back into her chair and turned her head to the film, not even registering what she was watching.

After a minute or two of this strange pretence, Vicky leaned over to Kate. "What was that all about?!" she whispered into her ear.  
"What?"  
"Oh come on. You were checking that guy out."  
"I would never!" Kate angrily whispered back, outraged. "I'm married for god's sake!"  
"Doesn't mean you can't even look at anyone else... anyway you have an excuse, the guy is hot…"  
At this point the southerner stood up and walked towards the exit. As he walked up the eye Kate knew he felt the two women burning wholes in his back. He turned his head, winked, looking directly at what he could make out of Kate in the darkness, and said:  
"Nice to meet ya freckles."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3, Thoughts

As Kate Shephard lay in bed alone (Jack needed to stay in the hospital for a patient in a very severe condition), she thought about the stranger she met in the cinema. Even though she would never admit it, Kate felt a connection between them… But then again the idiot with no manners couldn't keep his voice down, nor did he have the decency to apologize!  
Jack would never even dream of being so rude! ….Wait, why the hell was she comparing a complete stranger to her husband? Why was she thinking about any man other than her perfect Jack?!

But there was a feeling Kate suppressed deep inside herself… Sometimes, not usually, she felt that Jack… wanted something from her. Kate felt like he wanted her to be somehow different, somehow better. And hell she tried! She tried so hard for him, to make him happy, to be a better person.

Was this really healthy? Were these changes for her?

Of course not.

But Jack's goodness balanced it, his idyllic ways made up for any of Kate's grievances; all of her problems were outweighed by the amazing kindness and perfect love of this marriage.

But logically… with a man like Jack, there shouldn't even be any problems…


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4, Lost in Blue Eyes**

It was Sunday night. Jack was working hard in hospital, again, only letting Kate know he'll miss they're night out when she had already waited half an hour for him. Jack had decided they would be adventurous and go to a bar that Sunday, not the usual higher class restaurant. But now he had ended up dragging Kate out to a bar on her own and over dressed. The young woman sat on the bar's counter sipping at an orange juice, repeating to herself to not be angry at Jack. He hadn't planned this. He was saving patients after all, she was just being selfish. What could he do about it anyway? In Kate's discussion with herself she failed to notice the man looking at her from the other side of the bar. As her thoughts became more and more agitated she caught a glimps of this mfrom the corner of her eye. She planned a few stepps ahead, and she wouldn't look up until this creep was definitely looking away. As Kate patiently waited, she made sure that her wedding ring was very visible as she softlly placed her hand delicatelly on the table. Strangely this motion had no effect, the pervert kept looking her way! Risking letting him see her look, Kate glanced upwards. But the man caught her in the act, he stared streight back into her eyes..She found that she didn't look straight back down as intended, but somehow Kate lost herself in a familiar blue eyed stare-off. She was lost in familiar blue eyes. "So we meet again freckles?" And in a matter of seconds, Kate found herself sitting next to the southern stranger at the bar... He was sitting so close; she could smell the cheap cologne on him. Strangely (she had an expensive taste in colognes) she somehow liked it... Now, don't answer sounding flirtatious, don't flirt, move away! Kate told herself.  
"Yeh, so we do," Why? Why was she flirting?!  
"You want anything stronger than that juice sweetheart?"  
"No!" On that Kate raised her voice. Oh god, she was making such a fool of herself, but she couldn't let herself go… no she needed to be in control.  
"What's the name then?" The stranger drawled.  
"Who's?" Kate said coyly... Oh god don't use that flirty tone again...  
"Yours."  
"Oooh, mine... I'm Kate."  
"Sawyer." He announced, looking at his watch. "As much as I'd love to sit around chatting all night, I've got things to do and places to be."  
Kate was half relieved, half disappointed.  
"If you ever wanna get in touch," he said, handing her a piece of tissue with a few scribbled numbers on it, "Kate."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5, Death and its Effects**

Kate returned home around one at night, scolding herself her whole journey home. But the night breeze had soothing qualities, and by the time she'd got back she felt refreshed. As usual, the housewife spent a few minutes fidgeting with the keys in the lock. But when Kate finally opened the door she found that the racket she made hadn't even effected a motionless Jack, who she found sitting on the sofa staring at his hands. Cautiously she cleared her throat.

"Ugh- Jack?" When no response came she carefully made her way over to the couch and wearily sat down next to him.  
"How come you're back already? I thought you said you'll be in hospital all night…" She asked gently.  
The atmosphere tensed as a long silence built up. Kate didn't know where to look, afraid of even looking into her husbands eyes. With Jack this kind of tension was potentially explosive… But he kept his eyes down.  
"She died," His eyes seemed glazed over. "The tumor went out of control… it spread to her head…."  
Kate bit her lip "Oh god. Is this Rose? The older woman who came to you for cancer treatment?"  
"How will I tell her husband?! This is all my fault!" Jack was close to tears and he was shaking. He put his head in his hands.  
"You couldn't do anything about it Jack, it's not your fault!" Kate leaned in to kiss him on the cheek but he moved away like a stroppy teenager.  
"Please Kate, just... go away."  
Kate stared at him. She was expecting, anger, a break down… She knew how seriously he took each patient. But of all things she wasn't expecting … this.

Don't judge Jack so harshly: Kate told herself. Someone had just died in front of his eyes. She had no right to be annoyed with him, he was doing so much good, saving so many people, she couldn't be so selfish… But Kate couldn't known how she would act if someone had died in front of her… If it were her fault. After all she'd never experienced death. She was close to wanting to kill her father at a point, but those crazy thoughts came out of her head when she met Jack. But if she'd carried the deed out? What would her life be now? No one would ever know. After all who could ever see the sweet farm girl as a criminal?


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6, Inner Rebel**

Kate had a pretty dull weak. Jack was in a bad mood whenever she saw him, so she ended up trying to avoid him when he came home. On Monday ,Tuti (the dog) was sick so she took him to the vet's. On Tuesday, Kate slept in until 2:00 and then just lounged around the house, snacking and watching some sort of boring quiz show. On Wednesday, Kate went out food shopping. Thursday, she did laundry, Friday and Saturday she spent sitting and sunbathing in the park then meeting a friend (Vicky) for coffee. Kate also met up with her Australian sister in law (well, half sister) who had recently given birth to the cutest baby she'd ever seen…  
This week was a normal week in her. The problem, apart from Jack's mood, was Kate. For some reason, unexplainable even to her, she was realizing there was something inside her that just wanted to rebel and find adventure, travel and to not be so...Well… so good.

Towards the end of the week Kate was exhausted of the childish games she was playing with Jack. She wanted no more of it. It was Sunday morning so he was home. Kate walked into the living room with a plan; she wanted to confront him and get their little problem out in the open before it grew, in her mind, to something it wasn't. "Uh...are you ok?" Kate uncertainly asked Jack. Not sure how to start.  
"Mh-hm" Jack nodded staring into a broad sheet newspaper.  
"Why are you being so cold with me?"  
The Doctor then looked up and into Kate's eyes. "Recently Kate, I feel like you've stopped understanding me. I needed someone to lean on these past few days but you just keep avoiding me! Why can't you think about any one but yourself?!"  
"I can't think of anyone but myself?! Jack you think I walk around pampering myself everyday? Who makes your meals? Who washes and irons your clothes? The tooth fairy?!"  
"I have so many people to think about, those who lie in hospital dying as we speak! I hardly think about any one else, just the patients! Kate I'm a doctor!" Jack was almost shouting.  
"That can't be you're excuse for everything! You chose the profession!" Kate cried, "And I know you think a lot about your patients, that's why it's so hard to spear a thought for me! YOUR WIFE!"  
And at that Kate stormed out the house grabbing just her bag.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7, Useful Rubbish**

She was seething. He was so angry at her because she tried to avoid him blowing up on her all weak? Augh she could hit him…  
Noticing she had practically run down her street Kate slowed down deciding where she would go. She couldn't go to Vicky's. She wasn't the person Kate wanted to see. She didn't want to talk to someone who would tell her to go back and make up with Jack because that's what a good wife would do. She wanted someone to understand her and to be angry at Jack with her…  
Kate settled on a bench in a deserted corner of her local park. She sat there for a few minutes twiddling her thumbs, tapping her feet and just generally fidgeting. Deciding to do something Kate opened her bag to look for a pencil, she moved her fingers along her mobile, then her purse, her- she came across a peace of tissue. What was that doing there? Ready to throw it over her shoulder Kate suddenly noticed something scribbled onto the tissue. Numbers, a mobile number…  
Oh god, this is Sawyer's number. Kate rubbed her thumb over the creased tissue. She thought of that cheeky southerner and how he had got so into her head from two briefe meetings and two short conversations...Sawyer.  
She lifted up her mobile and slowly, taking a breath between each digit, pressed in Sawyer's number.  
Kate put the phone to her ear, breathing heavily, she listened…  
"Hello?" A familiar southern drawl… She listened intently to his voice and pictured his face….  
"Hey? Who's this?" A low, slow voice… She could just imagine his eyes sparkling with annoyance…  
"Come on you son of a b!tch! Who the hell are ya?  
Kate suddenly came to her senses:  
"Hello Sawyer? This…ugh…"  
"Right little lady, when did we meet? I probably don't remember, I don't give out my number so freely when I'm sober…"  
"Ugh no it's not like…well…ugh… We met in the cinema, then in a bar…" Kate stuttered.  
"Emma? Or is it Emily?"  
"No… Kate"  
"Oh right! Freckles!"  
"Yeh. Hi."  
"What's he done to ya?"  
"Who?"  
"Your husband, what's he done?"  
"Nothing… Wait! How do you know I'm married? And why do you think he's done something to me?" Kate was baffled.  
"Easy: saw you're wedding ring, knew you'd only call if you had an argument."  
There was a silence. Kate was amazed at how easy it was to read her… Was she that predictable?  
"So do you want to meat up or something? I mean just to talk-"This was Kate's inner child talking.  
"Sure freckles same place as before then? The cinema?  
"Yes! Brilliant!" What was Kate doing?


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8, Dreams  
This Chapter is inspired by a song from 'Blood Brothers', a play by Willy Russell.

If someone was to enter Kate's life and see how she lived they may think she was a fulfilled in every sense of the word. Someone may even think Kate had no more to dream about (maybe just cute little kids). This person may think Kate had no more dreams.  
But the dreams weren't forgotten. She just stored them away somewhere deep inside herself. And what if she decided to let them out? The little girl inside her wanted to escape, but the wife stood back, wandering what price she'd have to pay to let the little girl go. .


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9, Unpredictable**

Kate had been walking on clouds the whole way to the cinema. She was acting like a little girl, not a care in the world. The wind playfully blew her waves around her head, and caressed her face, evoking a soft pink blush to spread over her freckled cheeks.

Kate stood at the entrance staring up at the posters, reading and rereading the titles, not taking in anything she read. She was lost in thoughts…  
"Hey there freckles, long time no see?" A voice drawled, dangerously close to Kate's ear.  
She wasted no time to turn around and meet Sawyer's gaze. He was looking into her eyes with the same reckless aura he brought with him first time they met.  
"Hey yourself," Kate answered coyly.  
"How's life treatin' ya?"  
"OK I guess, you?" She said a little too quickly. She had no intention of spreading her problems around.  
"Ahaa… Come on then. What happened?" Sawyer saw right through her, and more so, he seemed genuinely interested. But still Kate didn't want to answer…

"Uh… I…he…well Jack and I argued. He thinks I'm ignoring him…"

Sawyer nodded, frowning: "Go on."

"He just, doesn't seem to want to spare a thought for me. He seems to have forgotten my existence. But he still expects me to always be by his side. .."  
"Jackass."

Kate frowned. Why had she just let out all that information. And why did Sawyer care? This all seemed a little fake…. planned… acted?

But Sawyer continued: "Seems like he's one of those who think the whole damn solar system revolves around him."  
This was a little too much for Kate.  
"Uh Sawyer it doesn't matter. Can we not talk about this?"  
"What does he work as anyways?"  
"He's a spinal surgeon, but-"  
"Ahh… earns a lot then?" Sawyer smiled. This was getting too strange. What's with all the questions?  
"What, why are-" Kate stuttered.  
"You know if he's giving you problems, you can always be sure to get half of the money. So sweetheart you can always-"

Smack.

Kate had slapped Sawyer across the face. Was that son-of-a-bitch trying to con her?

How could she have ever liked such a- Pig?  
For a second, Sawyer was surprised, but recovered quickly, laughing: "And I thought you were just a sweet, stick to the sidewalk kind of girl. Unexpectedly strong too..."  
"I guess I like being unpredictable." Kate spat, turned on her heal and give Sawyer the most venomous look she'd issued in years.

Damn redneck.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10, You're Perfect? **

Kate stormed back the whole way. She was even angrier than she was when she argued with Jack! But come on: this was too much! Two men in one day being such total dicks! It was too much to deal with... Pedestrians got out of her way, anyone could see Kate was close to firing lasers out of her eyes.  
Her hair was still being lifted up by the cool breeze, but now instead of the calm it had brought upon Kate about half an hour earlier it seemed to anger her more and more as strands of her own curly hair angrily whipped in her eyes.

Finally she reached the sweet little home with the white picket fence. Kate stared at the door for a second but didn't move from her spot: just swiveled sat down on the porch. Like a mad woman she started counting aloud:  
"One… two…three…four…five." Something Jack had taught her. It kind of helped…  
With a new found calm Kate turned to the door, breathing deeply, and retrieved the small cold key from her pocket. She opened the door to find Jack on the sofa, just sitting.  
"Hey," He said, coldly.  
"Hey yourself," Kate answered in a similar tone.  
There was an awkward second of silence and Kate even felt a competitive air about her. She was determined to not be the one to break the silence.

"Oh god Kate I'm sorry," Jack suddenly broke out, "I was being unfair to you, I'm so sorry!" He stood up, close to tears.  
Kate's victory didn't make her any happier. All she did was stare at her husband in response. She wasn't sure if she was ready to forgive him… But what was she to say as he made his way over to her?  
"Oh Jack, forget it, it's stupid." The coldness was still there. But Jack was too wrapped up in the moment to notice.  
He hugged her.. And she hugged him back. They stood there trying to sink into each other, trying to gain some heat and to feel each other's forgiveness. But Kate still felt cold. She was still angry...

Who at?

"I'm going to try harder from now on! I'll come back earlier, we'll spend more time together!" Jack softly whispered into her ear.  
She nodded.  
"Jack you're perfect." She whispered back; more trying to convince herself, than just complimenting Jack…


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 14, Connection

Days went by. Yes, jack was making more of an effort than usual, coming home no later than nine thirty. But again Kate was longing for human warmth, for more than friendship, for… No nothing, she was great.

It was Thursday. She had cleaned the house, walked the dog and comeback home.  
Sitting on the couch, half watching a soup opera that she secretly despised but watched anyway, she was bored. No other word for it… just bored.

Kate sat in her daze... all of a sudden her bag started vibrating; she snapped back to life and searched for her mobile. Why is it that when you need something else your mobile's in the way but when you want you're mobile it's impossible to find it?  
She took the phone and looked at the screen. Her heart skipped a beat.

Sawyer.

Her number was saved since when she called him! Just what Kate needed. Deciding not to torture herself she pressed the red phone button more times than was necessary. Breathing out a sigh of relief she sank into the sofa... but to Kate's true annoyance her phone rang again.

Sawyer. Again.

Kate only picked up out of anger.  
"Can you leave me alone? Or have I got my own personal stalker now? And can you please delete my number?!"  
"Wowa freckles! Feisty! I'm getting more and more interested in how your mind works!" The familiar voice answered. He sounded somewhat surprised, probably expecting her to fall back into being a, what did he call it? A sweet, stick to the sidewalk kinda girl.  
"Well as I said before I'm not as predictable as you thought."  
"No, I see that. Guess that means you're not a boring surgeon's wife."  
"Well you're not exactly bland yourself."  
"Why thank you, kind lady." He overplayed. "Me and you: outsiders. Well, you really don't sound like you fit into a perfect married woman's life. Those sorta girls take all kindsa shit, then apologize for it. But you cupcake, don't seem to be one to take shit or to take any unnecessary blame. But what I don't get is how you've managed to still keep you're sweet lilttle housewife image up… Freckles, you're something else."  
Kate was amazed at that. He was reading her! These were thoughts she had kept somewhere deep inside her. Not even admitting them to herself!  
"You sound a bit of a misfit too," Kate laughed.  
"Well then, I guess we have a connection."

Chapter 15, The Serious Man of Science

That same day, Kate waited desperately for Jack. The conversation she'd had with Sawyer: after being so angry at him she still slipped back into a flirty talk… She needed to prove something to herself; she needed to prove Jack could be charming, could flirt and that they still had the spark to their relationship. Waiting for him made it seem like it was days. She busied herself making a romantic dinner: a two course meal with a candle and wine. Kate was never much of a cook but she had taught herself the ways of a wife and one of the top abilities had to be cooking.

Jack came home at later than what he kept trying since the argument; he came at ten. But Kate still wanted the romantic dinner. She wouldn't give up so easily!  
"Hey honey" Kate said rapping her arms around Jack's neck, leaning in for a kiss. He kissed her but it was just a peck on the lips.  
"You're in a good mood tonight Kate."  
"Guess so, look what I made!" Kate said dragging Jack by the hand into the dining room.  
"Aw Kate, thanks, you shouldn't have…" Jack sounded happy enough. Kate was pleased.  
As they sat down to eat the first course (salad) Kate kept trying to start up a flirty banter.  
"How was work? Did you miss me?" She said, pouting.  
"Well a girl with an asthma attack was brought in today I had to use albuterol: a bronchodilator used on asthma patients and patients having bronchial spasms to dilate the bronchia and improve breathing…"  
Kate sighed. She had no chance of understanding what he's talking about.  
After Jack finished his ramblings about medicine, using jargon that sounded like a foreign language, he started paying attention to the food.  
"So Jack, did you pick up any girls on the way from work?" Kate was trying to get a flirtatious answer out of him.  
Would it work?  
"Huh?"  
No it wouldn't work.  
"Because many women would notice you: you're hot! What can you do?"  
"Kate, I appreciate the food, it's just what's got into you?" Jack answered frowning, "This isn't you."  
Kate gave up. No use, the man was serious and had misunderstood who Kate was. Yes she could be adventurous, flirty and outgoing if she got the chance. They ate the rest of their meals exchanging some boring details of their day (Kate obviously left out her conversation with Sawyer). Jack was a serious man, Kate thought, Jack was a serious man of science.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 15, The Serious Man of Science

That same day, Kate waited desperately for Jack. The conversation she'd had with Sawyer: after being so angry at him she still slipped back into a flirty talk… She needed to prove something to herself; she needed to prove Jack could be charming, could flirt and that they still had the spark to their relationship. Waiting for him made it seem like it was days. She busied herself making a romantic dinner: a two course meal with a candle and wine. Kate was never much of a cook but she had taught herself the ways of a wife and one of the top abilities had to be cooking.

Jack came home at later than what he kept trying since the argument; he came at ten. But Kate still wanted the romantic dinner. She wouldn't give up so easily!  
"Hey honey" Kate said rapping her arms around Jack's neck, leaning in for a kiss. He kissed her but it was just a peck on the lips.  
"You're in a good mood tonight Kate."  
"Guess so, look what I made!" Kate said dragging Jack by the hand into the dining room.  
"Aw Kate, thanks, you shouldn't have…" Jack sounded happy enough. Kate was pleased.  
As they sat down to eat the first course (salad) Kate kept trying to start up a flirty banter.  
"How was work? Did you miss me?" She said, pouting.  
"Well a girl with an asthma attack was brought in today I had to use albuterol: a bronchodilator used on asthma patients and patients having bronchial spasms to dilate the bronchia and improve breathing…"  
Kate sighed. She had no chance of understanding what he's talking about.  
After Jack finished his ramblings about medicine, using jargon that sounded like a foreign language, he started paying attention to the food.  
"So Jack, did you pick up any girls on the way from work?" Kate was trying to get a flirtatious answer out of him.  
Would it work?  
"Huh?"  
No it wouldn't work.  
"Because many women would notice you: you're hot! What can you do?"  
"Kate, I appreciate the food, it's just what's got into you?" Jack answered frowning, "This isn't you."  
Kate gave up. No use, the man was serious and had misunderstood who Kate was. Yes she could be adventurous, flirty and outgoing if she got the chance. They ate the rest of their meals exchanging some boring details of their day (Kate obviously left out her conversation with Sawyer). Jack was a serious man, Kate thought, Jack was a serious man of science.


End file.
